I'm happy

When I was younger I loved rainy nights.  Something about the streets being shiny, the noise of the rain falling, made me giddy and I would daydream about my future.  I would see myself in a high-rise apartment, looking out onto a rain-shined city.  In my fantasy I had the perfect, executive-level businessy-business job.  I had two children (Andrew and Annabelle) and a handsome husband.  I was happily busy and cutting edge.
As I was teaching yoga this evening, the rain falling on the beautiful arched roof, the windows shiny with rain drops, I was reminded of those childhood fantasies.  The dreamy feeling came back to me.  But instead of imagining and yearning for a future, I realized that I am there.  I.  Am.  Completely.  Happy.  And exactly where I want to be.
No, I am not living the exact blueprint of those fantasies, but I am pretty darn close.  Switch the apartment to a cozy country cottage (sort of).  Handsome husband.  Yep.  Two beautiful children, that I bet would let me call them Annabelle and Andrew if I bought them a video game ;)  I manage a Pilates studio and teach fitness classes and get to watch peoples bodies change for the better because of what I am teaching them.  I am quirkily cool.  I think.
It is hard for people with anxiety to be happy in the moment.  "If I am too happy now, then surely I am going to get hit by a bus or come down with the plague."  Thoughts like that rob me of happy moments.  Over a year ago my therapist asked me to try to not have those type of thoughts.  Instead of saying "But what if something bad happens because I am too happy?" say "I can just be happy and I will be happy tonight, tomorrow, next week."

Nothing bad will happen if I am happy.

Happiness in the Yoga studio