As I was teaching yoga this evening, the rain falling on the beautiful arched roof, the windows shiny with rain drops, I was reminded of those childhood fantasies. The dreamy feeling came back to me. But instead of imagining and yearning for a future, I realized that I am there. I. Am. Completely. Happy. And exactly where I want to be.
No, I am not living the exact blueprint of those fantasies, but I am pretty darn close. Switch the apartment to a cozy country cottage (sort of). Handsome husband. Yep. Two beautiful children, that I bet would let me call them Annabelle and Andrew if I bought them a video game ;) I manage a Pilates studio and teach fitness classes and get to watch peoples bodies change for the better because of what I am teaching them. I am quirkily cool. I think.
It is hard for people with anxiety to be happy in the moment. "If I am too happy now, then surely I am going to get hit by a bus or come down with the plague." Thoughts like that rob me of happy moments. Over a year ago my therapist asked me to try to not have those type of thoughts. Instead of saying "But what if something bad happens because I am too happy?" say "I can just be happy and I will be happy tonight, tomorrow, next week."
Nothing bad will happen if I am happy.
|Happiness in the Yoga studio|